Anger is an emotion that should be telling us that we need to take action or put something right. It gives us strength and energy for a fight but can also drain and shame us. Sometimes it seems more like an out-of-control response that we don’t like and doesn’t lead to anything helpful.
A suggestion is that anger is a basic visceral reaction to the fight fear or flight or freeze response - a very fundamental response to dangerous or anxiety proving situations. I think that fear and anxiety underlie most eruptions of anger.
When we are angry our body releases adrenaline, making our heart beat faster, making us breathe faster and making us sweat more. This allows us to focus on threat and to react quickly – but also reduces the range of thinking and options available to us and can lower inhibitions unhelpfully.
I offer a six week anger management programme where we explore the triggers for anger that you experience, and look at ways to manage your response to them more effectively. the majority of the people I work with tell me that they dislike themselves for being angry, they feel ashamed or embarrassed by their responses to situations. Often anger is triggered at home with the people we love and they bear the brunt of it. That , I suspect feeds into the shame- ‘Why am I hurting the people I love?’. We also explore what underlies the emotion for you, which often includes a sense of not liking yourself very much. We all have inner critical voices but it is often the case that people who get angry experience these voices fairly constantly and so any resilience for dealing with difficult situations is whittled away by the constant low key barrage of internal criticism.
We meet regularly at the same time each week, and I will often suggest things to try in the intervening days. These can include keeping a diary of triggers, paying attention to those critical voices, bring them into consciousness, finding a response to them.
If you think this sounds like an approach that could help you, please do contact me for more information.
For more information on how I can help you: